Your Heart: What is it Pumping? Is it life or death? Is it filled with the substance that you need from Heaven to reach your full potential? I’ve been studying the matters of the heart so much lately. I can’t get away from it! I want to share my reflections because when we know better, we should do better!
Our lives are a journey to a specific destination and our hearts fuel the way. Since the heart is a vital part of our destiny it deserves a lifetime’s worth of attention! The passage through life on earth to eternity can be tricky because of the fallen nature of our hearts.
Paul describes this dilemma in Romans 7:19-24 (NIV):
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am!
Our lives are a journey toward a destination and our hearts are the compass that lead us into a specific direction. The condition of our hearts determines the type of decisions we make and ultimately determines our success in reaching the destiny that God has created for us. Our hearts have to remain on a constant heart monitor to ensure that we’re living in good spiritual health.
Throughout my faith journey, I’ve learned to check my heart as I make major decisions in life. I would not be where I am today had I not constantly put my heart on the altar to be healed, purified, and molded by God. I remember my heart being crushed by different situations and after crying out of sheer pain I would tell God how bitter, angry, and confused I was. I earnestly prayed for God to heal my broken heart because I knew my life would be a wreck and my direction wouldn’t be clear if I lived with a bad heart.
Sometimes my heart would beat so fast out of excitement, tempting me to rush and make decisions in the heat of a moment, but after praying for the issues of my heart, God would slow me down and gently let me know the right direction to take.
Some of the toughest decisions in my life were complicated by being exposed to everyone else’s opinions and issues in their hearts and the only way to find clarity was ask God to replace all the noise with his voice to lead me in the right way. I constantly prayed that my judgment, attitude, and actions would reflect the heart of God rather than my confused emotions and the imperfections of the people that surrounded me.
By experience, I’ve learned that prayer is so pertinent because if we’re left to ourselves, we have no sense of direction to make the right decisions.
This is how the Bible describes the heart of man.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Jeremiah 17:9.
This explanation of the human heart is a simple, yet powerful statement that points to a harsh reality about mankind. Everyone has heard the question before, “If God exists, then why is the world so messed up?” This verse tells us that our world is in this condition because men follow their own wicked and deceptive hearts and lean on their own understanding to make decisions.
The latter part of the verse asks, “Who can know it?” and the response points to the answers to the following questions:
Who can be trusted?
What’s the cure to a man’s own evil heart?
How can we be protected from the evil heart of mankind?
Who can be trusted?
Quite frankly, if the heart is as deceitful and desperately wicked as described, it means that no one can be trusted, not even ourselves. Ponder on that for a minute…
Since the heart has the ability to deceive and is capable of tricking even its owner, it’s dangerous to rely on it to direct you. I wouldn’t dare advise anyone to follow their own heart when making decisions. As a matter of fact the Bible says in so many words that we have to keep our hearts in check.
As mere human beings we can only guess people’s intentions. Even if we grow intimate with someone and learn to trust them, we should never put all of our trust in man because we are imperfect, people can change and throw you a curve ball. Man will always fail you and even if someone has never let you down, at any moment, that person can die and leave you hanging.
Only God is good and only he can be fully trusted. Trusting God can help you let down your own self-built walls to build “trusting” relationships with people, but wisdom keeps you from crossing the line and giving people what truly belongs to God. Jesus is the only one that deserves to be loved and trusted with your whole heart, soul, and mind.
What’s the cure for a man’s own evil heart?
Proverbs 4:23 says “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of life”.
Guarding our hearts is the cure for the evil within the core of our being. Our hearts are conditioned by our level of intimacy with Jesus Christ. Protecting our hearts requires us to be knowledgeable of Truth to supersede the fallen nature of the heart. As we grow closer to God (who is love) our lives are characterized by godly love. Love replaces wickedness and deception which includes greed, covetousness, jealously, envy, strife, sexual sins, and the list goes on.
Love is the key to the door of our destiny. Love is powerful to help overcome internal and external battles that steal, kill, and destroy the inheritance you have as a believer of Jesus Christ. Love is the weapon against feelings of defeat, hopelessness, insecurities, bitterness, marital issues, sexual sins, and substance abuse. Love is the answer to sin and anything that will hinder us from reaching our potential, it motivational, it’s inspirational, and it transforms us and the people around us. Love will take us where we need to go!
How can we be protected from an evil heart?
When dealing with other people, we want to be protected from the ills of their hearts. This is where spiritual discernment comes in handy. Spiritual discernment is the ability to distinguish good from evil according to the principles in the Bible. Sharpening the sense of spiritual discernment happens as we hide the Word of God in our hearts and know it like the back of our hands. As we grow in the Spirit of Discernment, even if we don’t intimately know someone or something, we pick up on vibes (the spirit behind something) and can determine if it’s pure and whether we should allow it to surround us.
Trust God only and guard your heart by guarding your spiritual diet. Constantly pray for forgiveness and cleansings from what you’ve been exposed to in the world that will subconsciously affect you spiritually. Otherwise the spiritual heart just like the natural heart will get overwhelmed and clogged up with unhealthy substances that confuse your direction and ability to operate in excellence. Even idleness is bad for the heart, so be diligent in exercising love and grace to stay on track.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalms 51:10
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Matthew 22:37
Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, 2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. 3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers. Psalms 1:1-3
Let’s face it, if you’re married, you’re more than likely to have disagreements that seem to last forever! Marital fights seem to be the ugliest of all. The best thing to do to resolve conflict is not always clear cut, especially when both husband and wife feel as though they are right and the other person is glaringly wrong. Lasting disagreements come about from issues in finances, fidelity, love life, work/life balance and etc. Sometimes, it may take an awfully long time to reach a point where there is complete peace in the matter. No matter what the issue is, these 5 Tips to Handle Lasting Disagreements in Marriage can help. (Be on the lookout for 5 Additional Tips on Handling Lasting Disagreements coming soon!).
1. Don’t stop doing what you’re supposed to do. When a conflict blows up, it’s tempting to let it to spill over into your routine responsibilities such as house chores and romance life. You’re only asking for more trouble if you give in to this temptation. When you stop doing what you’re supposed to do, you’re feeding into defeat and/or operating in pride. Trust me, I know that when you’re emotionally drained from fighting with your spouse, you don’t want to do anything, but pout and rebel, but if you don’t want irritate the situation more than it already is, do what you’re supposed to do simply because it’s the right thing to do. This will help isolate the disagreement to its own island and will minimize its effect on your marital life as a whole.
Try turning your negative energy into positive energy keeping in mind that you have a duty to build your home, not let it come crashing down. The greatest enemy of marriage would love to blow disagreements out of proportion to make you doubt your marriage’s longevity. Continue cooking, cleaning, giving those back rubs and “I love you’s” in faith that it’ll only be a matter of time before everything passes over. As a matter of fact, become perfect and blameless for your spouse because the enemy is accusing you of everything bad under the sun. The heat amid a fight is enough. Don’t add fuel to the fire by allowing the condition of your home to go down the drain.
2. Silence the noise of negative emotions. Through prayer and meditation on God’s Word, try not to get emotionally consumed by what’s not going right. Serious conflict has a way of vacuuming out any positive thoughts. During an argument notice how suddenly you forget about all the things you love about your spouse because all you see is everything that’s wrong and the words “always and never” start to surface. “You never do this good!” and “You always do this bad!” It’s not fair to fight like this because the recipient of those words starts to feel attacked, underappreciated, unloved, not forgiven and will go into defense mode. When you’re discussing marital issues, try to avoid these words because honestly, you would be in much more trouble if “always and never” were the reality.
As an argument comes to surface, try dealing with one issue at a time. In our emotions we jump from one argument to another. This accomplishes absolutely nothing! Believe it or not, conflicts should be productive in ironing out differences to become a better “one flesh,” but only if they’re handled effectively.
3. Focus on the good things as much as possible.
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise”. Philippians 4:8 NLT
When I’m going through a tough time, often times you can find me singing, reading my Bible, and writing in my prayer journal. Now that’s not to say that I’ve achieved 100% perfection in how to handle difficulty, but I’ve come a long way! The reason I run to these sort of outlets is to put the situation in God’s hands. I need to free myself from defeating thoughts and emotions and get spiritual perspective. I’d ask God, what are you trying to do through this test? Why am I going through this? I’m not asking these questions because I think that I don’t deserve to go through it, but because all things work to the good of those that love God and I know that there’s purpose in everything I go through.
Focusing on good things doesn’t mean to deny the situation. This leads to the next tip.
4. Don’t deny the situation. Some people have a more passive nature and will altogether deny that there is a major disagreement in their marriage. Out of fear, some may not want to bring up certain issues with their spouse, so they walk on eggshells to keep the pseudo-peace, but this isn’t a wise way to handle disagreements. Because an argument can turn ugly really fast, sometimes it’s best to leave the topic alone for a while and seek God in prayer on how to resolve the matter, but please don’t ignore it. Rather than drop the ball on past issues, continue to pray about it because sooner or later it’ll come up again and it’ll bite you every time. God can work things out without you saying anything, but sometimes, God will involve you, but you have to have an ear to hear what he’d guide you to do.
After time has passed and emotions have calmed down, prayerfully bring the issue up for discussion, but don’t bring it up at an inappropriate time such as in front of other people, at a time with a lot of distractions, or during another argument. As you talk, take note of pain points, and take them to God in prayer to seek wisdom on how to deal with them. As you do this, you should notice that you are becoming more effective at discussing the issue, listening to each other’s perspectives and needs, and getting closer to a resolution.
The last and most important tip is probably the hardest tip to follow…
5. Fully surrender the situation to God. Speaking for myself, it’s not a major challenge to take a problem to the Lord in prayer. The struggle comes when I have to leave that thing there and wait for him to work it out. Out of impatience, I’ll try to put my hands on it and find a quick solution. No wonder the Bible tells us to pray without ceasing because then we’re consistently surrendering to God and overcoming the motives of the flesh.
Impatience is like scratching a mosquito bite. It only irritates the situation, makes things harder and delays healing and harmony between you and your other half. Conflict brings to surface a lot of different emotions and it’s hard managing them all. Some people have the felt need to put all their emotions on display so that their spouse can really see how they feel. Some may be numb and are beyond trying to reason with their spouse. Some feel the urge to escape to things that pacify them and some people want to leave the marriage altogether. This is fear, anxiety, pain and anger that are the opposite of faith. It takes genuine faith to fully surrender to God.
Successfully surrender things to God by venting to him. Venting is different from politically correct communication (lol) because it involves all the raw emotion. Venting to God is so powerful because you’re not venting to any random person. You’re bringing it to the Sovereign One who can not only tell you everything you need to know about you, your spouse, and the disagreement, but he can also change turn it around. Although he knows you and the problem better than you do, he appreciates when you tell him all the fine details because it builds intimacy and trust in him. You make your problems smaller and God bigger. Pray, fast, meditate on scripture, write in your prayer journal, praise, and worship the Lord Jesus. All these outlets are various avenues to relinquishing your troubles to the master marriage counselor.
Why is handling marriage carefully a Destined Initiative? Because it can either make you or break you… Let’s be honest, divorce can set you back from achieving your expected end in God in quite a few ways. More importantly, marriage is sacred in God’s eyes, so it should be cherished even when it doesn’t feel good. The context of marriage can feel like a boxing ring, but we have to remember that our spouses are not (always, lol) the enemy. The enemy works in cunning ways and will try to throw confusion in the mix to make you wonder about your other half, but if you’re married, it’s too late for second thoughts, now you have to roll with the punches and learn how to love, respect, and forgive unconditionally. You are an overcomer! Go get that blessed married life!
Drop a comment and share some other tips you use to handle lasting disagreements. We could all use extra enrichment!
Sometimes our lives can seem like an utter wreck and for various reasons, most likely a combination of reasons such as relationship problems, financial struggles, being stretched out too far and not having time for what matters most, or internal issues such as low self-esteem, fear, and etc. On the other extreme, our lives can be so predictable and monotonous, that the mechanisms we’ve put into place for that pseudo security have locked out creativity and room for transformation. Some may fall in between these extremes, but have a general dissatisfaction with where they are and where they’re headed. As much as we’d like to get things straightened out and reinvent ourselves, it can be hard figuring out where to start. When I’m stuck, I’m always reminded to keep first things first. I can go down the list and start accessing my priorities in my quality time with God, my role as wife, mother, and homemaker and determine where things need to be put back into order, so that I can experience God’s pleasure in me. This is why I say that Happiness Starts at Home. continue reading
